It's now been five months without an update, I feel one is well overdue. I never got round to finishing the compilation of e-mails sent from my travels either. Oh well... I'm sorry?
Time now then to indulge in me, as if I don't spend long enough of every day doing that anyway. I know I've achieved a few milestones in the last few months, but I still feel like there's so much I have to do. I almost feel like I'm swinging between the positive and negative when I assess it all.
In Summation
* For a start, CM has finally come back to London and we moved in together at the end of April. We are currently renting a very pleasant appartment in the east of the City and have just bought a place round the corner which we are due to move in to in November, when the builders decide that it's ready for occupancy. On the other hand, I feel pretty much exhausted, amongst other things by the seemingly insurmountable list of outstanding tasks we always seem to have to complete - was life always like this?
* I'm still employed at that good rate of pay I mentioned. The job though is no longer progressing me in the right direction (i.e. I don't see any room for further development), I am unconvinced by the value of the work I am doing and the repetition of it all is demotivating to say the least. Most people my age would do anything for the money I'm on, but, inevitably (given my character) it's just not enough to be well-paid. I need either to be learning, to be passionate or at least to do something I feel is worthwhile (in a given context) - I feel I'm getting none of the of the above in my current role. Still, my contract runs out at the end of September, and, given that there is undeniably less work to do now than there was when I started, I feel that there is a decent chance that either they decide not to renew me, or I decide that I should leave before the winter hits bringing with it an inevitable lull in the sector's job market.
* I have put on around 15lbs in weight since I arrived home in February, most of which is muscle. People are commenting that I look better for it and I almost feel good about my body again. The juxtaposition of those two factors is quite deliberate: I certainly won't deny being affected by the opinions of others; depending on them for self esteem is just being affected too much - I don't think I'm at that level.
* I have had mild activity in the female department over the summer. God, re-reading that makes it sound so mechanical - ok, imagine it said in an Alan Partridge voice, that's how I'd deliver it. The details then: first there was a girl I met at a fancy dress party - I think I must have seen more attraction in the fact that she was in period dress and the idea of fucking in a tent than I actually did in her, since we met up the following week and I wasn't even remotely attracted to her. Then there was a work colleague (/ friend) that I awkwardly ended up in bed with a couple of times, without even so much as kissing her - a good thing, since neither of us would have chosen to do anything sober anyway. Drunk, horny, lonely perhaps - an enticing combination for even the most saintly. I'm far from saintly though, and my grip on the reality of the situation was somewhat lacking on the second occasion - luckily hers wasn't. In addition, a long-time friend made a pass at me at a party - a shame this didn't happen years ago when I actually had feelings for her: I politely moved away and let her down gently. Finally, there was an attractive and interesting girl with whom something quite good started after - you guessed it, a party - but which has now fizzled out, plagued by her childish "please make me feel wanted" games.
Anyway, it's now late, I can't bring myself to indulge (/ divulge) any more, and I'm going to hit the light and enjoy the best part of the day... I haven't given up on this blog, I just don't have the time I once did and I still don't know why. Night night.
